iphone-410324_640

  “ It’s all over. It’s in the past. We are not going to talk about it now” is something many of us have heard from well- meaning relatives and friends who want to spare us from remembering our abortions. For me, that was the worst thing anyone could possibly say to me.

 I wanted to be comforted, to be told that I would have children one day, that it was not the end of the world.

image01

 I had two abortions. It was so hard even 20 years onward. I did not expect to feel how I did.  I wanted to talk about it, to debrief, to reconcile myself to it in some way, but there was a problem. There was no one to talk to, partly because my friends might not want to know, I thought they would judge me for it.

image08

 People become unusually quiet when we mention the “A” word.  They don’t want to talk about it. For me, not being able to talk was like being wrapped up with cling film, no way out for me in my pain, and no way in for others.

man-talking-on-the-phone-1582238_640
I feel guilty about my boyfriend. I told him afterwards. He was devastated. He said he had always wanted children.

 image05


What can we do?

It is possible that we have locked our story away in our heart for many years, but circumstances like the birth of a grandchild bring up our past abortion. It feels like it is right there with us.

By telling our story, we are trying to make sense of what we are feeling and thinking.

image00
We suggest that you have safe and trusted people to support you as you recover. Please take a look at Keeping yourself safe. revive.community/keeping-yourself-safe

Working out our feelings*

As you begin to face how you feel, you might feel overwhelmed at times. Be kind to yourself. There is no rush.

shutterstock_194297600
Feelings can be very confusing. However, if you can work out what those feelings are, you can understand and be more aware of why you feel as you do. This new awareness and understanding helps in your eventual recovery.

If you feel comfortable to do so, we suggest that you have someone else present so you can have a hug or a hand to hold.
Alternatively, a big squashy teddy bear or cushion can be very comforting.

Using the following list, write down the feelings that relate to your abortion. We suggest that you keep a journal during this time

Adventurous Let-down Suspicious Overwhelmed
Down Stunned Calm Uncomfortable
Indifferent Ashamed Flighty Comfortable
Robbed Excited Nervous Full
Affected Lonely Sympathy Pain
Eager Stupid Captivated Uneasy
Inferior Awed Foolish Compelled
Sadness Euphoric Numb Glad
Afraid Loved Tired Peaceful
Elated Successful Cautious Unhappy
Intolerant Awkward Forlorn Concerned
Satisfied Exploited Obligated Graceful
Alone Neglected Tranquil Pious
Embarrassed Sucked in Cheated Unloved
Irrational Bewildered Free Confident
Secure Failure Overcome Graceless
Ambivalent Manipulated Trapped Pity
Empathy Suffering Cold Unsure
Worried Bitter Frustrated Congenial
Worth Fascinated Bored Grateful
Surprised Naked Fearful Relieved
Unworthy Irritated Defeated Withdrawn
Cynical Selfish Happy Dependent
Great Anger Put out Hesitant
Pleased Empty Warm Regret
Used Isolated Defensive Witty
Content Self-pity Hated/Hatred Despair
Guilty Animosity Rational High
Possessive Encouraged Weary Rejected
Useless Jealous Defiant Wonderful
Controlled Shy Helpless Despondent
Gullible Anxiousness Refreshed Joyful
Proud Energized Withdrawn Sick
Victimized Provoked Apprehensive Apathetic
Cowardly Violated Exasperated Envious
Gutsy Deceived Humble Knocked-down
Pushed Had Vulnerable Stubborn

A thought to finish this section:

“Self -awareness” is key to your emotional recovery.”

When you are ready, feel free to move onto Telling Your Story 2.

 

*The Feelings Awareness Assessment is from the Restore and Rebuild Post Abortion Recovery Course, written by Jonathan Jeffes. Used with his permission, with our grateful thanks.

 

The Revive Community Web Site is written for women and men who hurt emotionally after their abortion.
Our Help and Support Team are trained to help only with issues relating to abortion.
If you need professional help, please see our Directory on our Help and Support page.

Revive Community Ltd. All Rights Reserved.