My life is like the river
It flows; everything keeps moving.
It is peaceful and slow paced most of the time.
I like to stop and listen to the sounds of life going on.
Sometimes I have to run to catch up because my river is flowing faster than I would like.
But I prefer it when it is still and quiet.
When my river is churning up after a big rush, I remember there are choices I made which were far from still and quiet.
One of those choices was my abortion.
Why I chose it, I do not know.
All I know is that my life was in turmoil.
And my friends and family said it was for the best.
Clamour and noise blotted everything else out. I felt like I was drowning in an uncontrollable rush of strong emotion.
Rubbish and debris gathered around. It was like every problem attached itself to me and clung like a lead weight to my shoulders.
I was forced into the narrow confines of a choice between taking an uncertain road and taking a definite route.
Once I chose the definite route, I was rushed into it with an unexpected force.
When I came up for air, something invisible sucked me back under. I could not hear anyone, speak to anyone or know where to turn.
I just had to survive, the way I had always done.
My insides churned at the thought of the abortion. Once away from the scene of that event, I kept away from its mention. I recoiled when it came up. No one must know my secret. I felt muddied, stained. The stain would not come off.
Oh for the quiet again and the sounds of normal life. But I don’t feel normal. Will I ever feel normal again?
My friend told me to lift my head up, which I did.
Ahead was a vast river, serenely flowing in patterns and ripples.
“ It’s okay, “ she said.
“ Everything will be all right”