The River

My life is like the river

It flows; everything keeps moving.

It is peaceful and slow paced most of the time.

I like to stop and listen to the sounds of life going on.

Sometimes I have to run to catch up because my river is flowing faster than I would like.

But I prefer it when it is still and quiet.

When my river is churning up after a big rush, I remember there are choices I made which were far from still and quiet.

One of those choices was my abortion.

Why I chose it, I do not know.

All I know is that my life was in turmoil.

And my friends and family said it was for the best.

Clamour and noise blotted everything else out. I felt like I was drowning in an uncontrollable rush of strong emotion.

Rubbish and debris gathered around. It was like every problem attached itself to me and clung like a lead weight to my shoulders.

I was forced into the narrow confines of a choice between taking an uncertain road and taking a definite route.

Once I chose the definite route, I was rushed into it with an unexpected force.

When I came up for air, something invisible sucked me back under. I could not hear anyone, speak to anyone or know where to turn.

I just had to survive, the way I had always done.

My insides churned at the thought of the abortion. Once away from the scene of that event, I kept away from its mention. I recoiled when it came up. No one must know my secret. I felt muddied, stained. The stain would not come off.

Oh for the quiet again and the sounds of normal life. But I don’t feel normal. Will I ever feel normal again?

My friend told me to lift my head up, which I did.

Ahead was a vast river, serenely flowing in patterns and ripples.

“ It’s okay, “ she said.

“ Everything will be all right”